Its so Hard

Its been 2.5 years of trying to make a baby! 2.5 years of let down after let down. I honestly Just can't take it anymore. While its not definite yet that this month is a bust just yet, I still just know. I have a feeling. I will find out friday. But I know my monthly friend is getting ready to rear her ugly ass face in!
Im drained. This is the second IUI. My emotions are just shot. Its really getting hard to deal with, especially when there are very few people in real life who understand what your going threw.
Its hard to talk to people about it. I feel when I bring it up to them it make them uncomfortable. and than they say they are sorry... and than I feel like an ass... They shouldnt be sorry. They dont know how I feel... and They really shouldnt. They dont have to know what it feels like!
I just want one chance to have a miracle... just one.. and I dont get why its so damn hard!
I need an emotional vacation!!

nope... not this time either

Im so freaking pissed off at my body. I really hate it! There is no other word strong enough than the word hate!
Saturday came, I was all excited, felt great. Went to see Dr. S He did an ultrasound of my ovaries to make sure everything was good to go... Well in order for him to do anything your follicle must be 20mm or more.... I had 4.. yay great! 2 were 6mm and the others were 17mm and 16mm. NOT GOOD! AT ALL! I almost wanted to break down and cry.... But I held it together. So now I have go back on tuesday to see if the grew. Dr S is thinking that maybe it was just early in my ovulation... but I really dont think so. I took an OPK today and nada... nothing... So Im pretty sure that was a big huge waste of time.
I just dont get it... what do I have to do to have my dream that so many people take for grantite?

Im beyond hating my reproductive organs right now!

Saturday!!!

WOoohoo! Saturday is the day.. IUI here we come. I go in at 9am. I wanted to go skiing after that but im thinking thats a no no! My dr would confirm that as well im sure.
Super bowl sunday was a good time. We went to our friends house up north and had a really nice time! Our friends brought there little 10 month old there.... Its always hard to be around something you want so bad... But it actually wasnt bad at all. The kid is the cutest little boy I have ever seen! So cute!
Cross your fingers for satruday!